A Lament for Indigo

I took this picture of my dog at Christmas Break. We were packing the car to head to my Grandparents, and though we hadn’t left yet, she was already waiting for us to come home.IMG Indigo at the Door

You did that a lot, Indigo, wait for us. I know you didn’t like to be alone- wanted to be around your family. We teased you for it, and sometimes scolded you for it, but mostly we loved you for it. We loved you for being part of the family, and that family is different without you.

My earliest memory of you is when you were just a puppy. You had waited until we were out of the house for just a few minutes, then you climbed up on the table and ate all of the chocolate chip cookies we had just pulled out of the oven. I was equal parts worried about the chocolate you just ingested, and angry you ate all the cookies, and left none for me. From that moment on, you were always the same- a little worrying, a little annoying, entirely lovable. You were just a dog, and so much more.

It seems strange to me that you are gone now. You were a horrible listener for the most part (and I still can’t believe you ate off the fork that was in my hand that one time), but you followed my instructions at the very end. You helped me through high school, and you didn’t wait for me to come home from college before it was time. I told you that you weren’t allowed to die before I left for college because I had this absurd idea it would hurt less with all that distance, but I can tell you I was wrong.

It doesn’t seem right that I’ll be home in a few days, and you won’t. I don’t know how to comprehend a house with out my dog. There isn’t enough imagination in the world to figure out what a homecoming looks like without you greeting me so excitedly until you figure out I have no intention of giving you a treat.

At some point this summer Daddy will make popcorn and you won’t do your popcorn dance. One day I will be home for Christmas and I won’t have to fight you for the space closest to the fire. There will be no more laughs, no more snuggles, no more pictures on my phone to show to people- “look at my dog!”

You were the cutest puppy, the best dog, and a part of all my favorite memories. There wasn’t a better pet in the world for us. It isn’t the same for any of us now, and we will hold on to all our thoughts, all our pictures, and all our memories because we miss you.

Good Girl ❤

“And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.” Genesis 1:25 ESV

 

 

My Brain is Empty

I’ve really got nothing tonight. I’ve been sitting here for almost an hour, and there isn’t single thing that comes to mind to write about. The best I got is a little something about class today.

Today in one of my classes, we talked briefly about what we want our obituaries to say, or how we would want to be remembered after we are gone. It was interesting to see the similarities and differences in all our answers. It was also just a little strange, to sit in class and talk about death as the semester closes and we come to the end of our time together as a class.

I honestly have nothing else to say. It’s been a rather Monday sort of Monday. Not particularly special in any way except for how tired it makes you. Hopefully tomorrow (or rather, today) will be a very Tuesday sort of Tuesday- that is, just a little bit better than Monday in every way. 🙂

RECOMMENDATIONS 

Song: Rising Sun by Prince of Spain

Song: Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

Album: Daylight by Ron Pope

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 ESV

 

10 Pointless Sentences (or, What Happens When Caroline Stays Up too Late)(or, Why I Should Blog Earlier in the Day)

  1. The Quick-zone hasn’t had hot fudge sundae Pop-tarts all week, and that is both good and disappointing.
  2. I really thought I had a quiz today in one of my classes, so I studied for it last night. Turns out it’s in almost two weeks.
  3. I finally made it to the gym as I had planned on doing all semester.
  4. I couldn’t go to the gym for the last half of February and the first half of March because of an enormous blister on my heal.
  5. I have 10 days left of class in my freshman year of college, and I would swear I graduated high school yesterday.
  6. It’s April and it was 40° F today. (What even is Pittsburgh Weather? It’s supposed to be 74° F on Sunday)
  7. Seven is one of my favorite numbers.
  8. Eight is not one of my favorite numbers.
  9. Unicorns are amazing.
  10. I really need to go to bed.

Good Night.

RECOMMENDATIONS

YouTube Channel: RealLifeLore (A channel that makes informational videos about interesting topics, my favorite is How Far Away Can You Get From Everybody Else? )

Song: Piano Man by Billy Joel

Book: The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare

Painter: Pierre Auguste Renoir (He’s my Favorite)

“He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep” Psalm 121: 3-4 ESV

I’m Finally Back

Well, it’s been 21 days since my last blog post. Clearly, this is not going quite as well as I had hoped, but I am still confident that I will someday get the hang of this blogging thing.

I missed those 21 days for a variety of reasons, not all of which I will get into, but I will say that a big part of the reasons was my migraines. I have chronic migraine, and it can be really hard to handle all the different things I am supposed to do, so I have to prioritize. As you can guess, this blog does not rate as highly as school, or school related activities.

Having a chronic illness changes a lot of things in your life, big and little. Since I’m in rather a good mood tonight, I don’t want to dwell on all the big things that are different because of my condition, so I’ll give a few example of small things.

I mostly can’t wear my hair up. I absolutely cannot wear a ponytail, and I miss ponytails like nobody’s business. I can get away with a bun if I don’t put it in a ponytail first, and I can do things with french braids, or scarves/headbands to get it out of my face. Still, those options (except a completely plain french braid) only work for a few hours before the tension caused by pulling my hair back adds too much to the migraine, and it has to come down. It can be inconvenient, and it is kind of disappointing too, that I can’t do whatever I want with my hair, but that even in this aspect of my life I have to be thinking of my health.

Another place where my migraines cause problems is in music. I am phono-sensitive, which means sensitive to noise. It doesn’t mean that all sound has become unbearable, but that certain sound can cause me pain. For me, it has nothing to so with the loudness or quietness, but with what I can only describe as the “sharpness” of the sound. Unfortunately, many of the songs and bands that I used to listen to all the time have a lot of “sharp” sounds in them, typically from the drums. I have stopped listening to these bands almost entirely. I miss the freedom to listen to all the music I wanted to.

I’m not writing this all down to make people feel bad for me, or to complain. I’ve always liked wearing my hair down more than up, and my absolute favorite genre of music is folk/alternative that contains very little drums, mostly acoustic sounds. Rather, I’m sharing this to try and help people see a little of what it is like to have a chronic illness. It can be hard sometimes to really understand something that invades every aspect of life if you have no reference or explanation. Hopefully, this was interesting, helpful, and informative. I want to share these things so that people can understand and have compassion for people, even if they can’t relate personally.

RECOMMENDATIONS

I’m adding a few recommendations to the end of each of my blog posts, so that even if I can’t think of anything to write, I can still post something.

Song- Apple Pie by Flannel Graph (beautiful song inspired by the prodigal son parable)

Book- Call It Courage by Armstrong Sperry (one of my favorite books from the children’s section)

Article- More Than Mere Equality: Identity Politics, White Privilege, and Gospel Peace from The Gospel Coalition ( An excellent explanation of White Privilege, Systematic Racism, and Christian response to both) (The article is long, yes, but absolutely worth it, I cannot say that enough) (Here is the link to the even longer version if you would like- From 9marks)

“The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock, and exalted be the God of my salvation” Psalm 18:46 ESV